I'm a perfect angel
A Friendship Poem
Written with a pen, sealed with a kiss,
If you are my friend, please answer me this:
Are we friends, or are we not?
You told me once, but I forgot.
So tell me now, and tell me true,
So I can say "I'm here for you."
Of all the friends I've ever met,
You're the one I won't forget.
And if I die before you do,
I'll go to Heaven and wait for you,
I'll give the angels back their wings
And risk the loss of everything.
There isn't a thing I wouldn't do,
To have a friend just like you!
The Friendship oath
When you are sad...
I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum-sucking parasite that made you sad.
When you are blue...
I'll dislodge whatever is choking you.
When you are scared...
I will laugh at you and tease you about it every chance I get.
When you smile...
I'll know you finally got laid
When you are sick...
stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
When you are worried...
I will tell you how much worse it could be and to quit complaining.
When you are confused...
I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.
When you are drunk...
I will hold your hair while you pay respect to the porcelain god.
When you fall...
I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath, I pledge till the end.
Why you may ask? Because you're my friend.
A Sad Poem
*Near to the door*
*he paused to stand*
*as he took his class ring*
*off her hand*
*all who were watching*
*did not speak*
*as a silent tear*
*ran down his cheek*
*and through his mind*
*the memories ran*
*of the moments they walked*
*and ran in the sand hand and hand*
*but now her eyes were so terrible cold*
*for he would never again*
*have her to hold*
*they watched in silence*
*as he bent near*
*and whispered the words..*
*"I LOVE YOU" in her ear*
*he touched her face and started to cry*
*as he put on his ring and wanted to die*
*and just then the wind began to blow*
*as they lowered her casket*
*into the snow....*
*this is what happens*
*to man alive.....*
*when friends let friends....*
*drink and drive.*
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Some Great Jokes
A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch whisky. The bartender says, "that's a pretty heavy drink is something wrong?" The man replies, "i got home 2day and found my wife in bed with my best friend," "Wow," said the bartender while pouring the man a 2nd scotch, "no wonder u needed a stiff drink this one's on the house." As the man finished the 2nd drink the bartender said, "what did you do" The man replied, " I walked over to my wife and told her we were through I told her to pack her shit and get the hell out." "That's understandable but what about your best friend," asked the bartender. "Well, the man said, I walked over to him looked him straight in the eye and said 'BAD DOG!'"
A man runs all the way home and bursts in yelling to his wife, "Pack your bags I just won the lottery!" She says, "Oh wonderful should I pack for the beach or the mountains? He replies "I don't care just get the hell out"
A burglar breaks into an isolated country house after watching the whole family depart for a night out on the town. As he creeps across the darkened living room he hears a voice saying: "I can see you... and Jesus can see you". The burglar shines his penlight torch around the room, but sees nothing. He takes another step, and he hears it again: "I can see you... and Jesus can see you". This time he realizes the voice comes from above, and when he shines his torch around he sees a parrot sitting on top of a cupboard. It looks him in the eye and says, "I can see you... and Jesus can see you". The burglar laughs and says, "You're just a parrot". The parrot looks him in the eye and says "I'm a parrot and my name is Ebenezer". The burglar laughs again, and says, "Ebenezer is a pretty silly name for a parrot". The parrot looks him in the eye, waits until he has stopped laughing, and says,
"I agree completely...and Jesus is a pretty silly name for a Doberman".
A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot. It wouldn't be as much work as a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. She went to the owner of the store and asked how much the bird cost.
The owner said it was . Delighted that such a rare looking and beautiful bird wasn't more expensive, she agreed to buy it. The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a whorehouse and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff." The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird. She told the owner that she still wanted the bird. The pet shop owner sold her the bird and she took it home. She hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought, "that's not so bad," A couple hours later, the woman's two teenage daughters returned from school. When they inspected the bird, it looked at them and said, "New house, new madam, new whores." The girls and the woman were a bit offended at first, but then began to laugh about the situation. A couple of hours later, the woman's husband came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "New house, new madam, new whores... ...same old faces. Hi Dave...long time no see"
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